my old journal

I used to keep a regular journal. I still do, in a way, but not of the physical sort. That is, I meta journal, with computer machines and sketchbooks that mash images and words together, but they're mostly meaningless mashups, stream of consciousness etcetera. I think, this is a bit regretful, the loss of the trusted five-star class companion, so I'm resolving to keep an actual, physical journal from now on because finding this in my parent's house feels like...well, finding a treasure, but the treasure is me!

I couldn't find a decent indicator of date in this, but it should be from sometime between 2002 and 2003, because one entry references Adrian Giddings, but I failed to provide any context that could be used to solve the puzzle. There are some funny entries.

I can always rely on the TV to turn on, and being able to find shitty commercials. I can rely on horror movies mostly sucking, and being depressed about some girl. If I was to lose this security, I would feel married.

In the journal, there are also about half a dozen pages filled up with "All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy." - I have no idea why I changed it from "Jack" to "Johnny" - after all, I had seen the shining. One of the most amusing entries was a stick figure diagram I drew of myself, probably in some effort to seek identity. I drew a line to my head indicating "affinity for shakespeare" and a line to my gut labeled "insatiable cola greed."

The weirdest entry, (ironically, the only dated one, but with no indicator of year) duplicated below, makes no sense to me whatsoever. I hadn't done any hard drugs at this point in my life, so I really can't offer any explanation for it.

October 22nd,

Dear kids,

my name is david; my father's name was edward and my mother's was never told to me. If what I learned can be trusted (and I admit I have my concerns) I was born 28 years ago on the island to the west of V. My mother is consumed by a certain degree of inconclusivity, and is of no consequence; a tale of no hope.

I was going to be famous. Then my parents found out. I had the perfect wife, but then she got influenza, and died of horrible...

-Worldwide Fame

-Ruling the Universe

-Cosplaying Bunchies

- Japanese Newspapers

- Adrian Gidding's being elected President

- Candles for november 4th.

The disparity between myself and others caused by what is most easily identified as my religious beliefs prevents me from pursing... (scratched out, i clearly never wanted to remember what i wrote here)... that's all I can come up with. She seems to have something of a permanent existence inside my head for which I have no explanation. Choke it down, choke it down. I dreamt I lived in a semi truck with mark, he had bunk beds and a swimming pool.

[ Give Up ] (there was a box drawn around this)

- Lid

- Door

- Mud

- Black Paint

- White Out



And that's probably the most entertaining part. Except for some Dimmu Borgir fan art I drew, which I'll upload later.